Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Trauma - with God all things are Possible to them that believe

  What you are going to see is a "change of heart".  What you will also see on these pages are very real. This is a true story. It is about our little family from Northwest Arkansas who has been given a very big miracle from God.  

You see our family was cruising along just over 13 years ago walking in the faith of God. Happy go lucky. Feeling highly blessed and favored.  We had a beautiful little girl at the time was 3. We were ministering to a church (doing home church on the front porch and dedicated everything we owned to God).   

That is when the bottom fell out of our floor.  The things you see on these pages are very real.  I have gone back and deleted some of the sentences because they hurt me so bad. I can't imagine what they did to our families who read them. Im so sorry I had no where to go with my grief. So I thought was grief. It was actually our faith being tested. I see this now with new eyes.  

This blog and none of the others that I have were ever meant to sow such sorrow and pain. It grieves me. But Jesus has assured me that I am forgiven after the 2 almost 3 longest weeks of my life without my family.  

First of all Trauma is never an easy thing for anyone.  I thought as strong as my husband and I are and our faith and God first in our family that nothing could hurt us. 

I was so wrong. We are flesh and bones. They say that words can't hurt you but I assure you that words can, do and will hurt you.  I have seen sides of me that I don't care to ever see again. 

You see one trauma of our daughter , then money, house, cars, sickness. etc it all grows. It grows exponentially.  We were very strong in our faith and still managed it was difficult. Then lack of sleep, tired, no rest, then your faith becomes contaminated with fear.  

This blog when I went back and deleted just repetitive remarks. I failed to see that I was looking for consolation in people and friends and family - everyone but God. I only realize 13 years later after being forced to stop and realize that I should have gone to God first. 

I put such a tremendous burden on my husband all he could do was say STOP to me. Im going to go more into the faith walk that I have come to in all this on our FunIntheSonfamily blog.  
My poor husband the burden he tried to carry for our family and for me it was unbearable. It was unbearable to me and so I burdened him with it. Looking back I imagine it would have been wise for both of us to go to God instead of checking out of each others lives. I see this now. 

My husband is the most loving, caring and giving individual that I have ever met in my life. He is so easy going and gentle and just kind. I love these qualities about him. He has always supported our family. There were job issues when this happened though because our sight was on worry instead of God. God always provided for us and we didn't always see it. I think we knew it but just got to busy, life full of chaos. 

Im thankful he has always been hard working. A bit jealous though because I always wanted to spend more time with him. He enjoyed working I now see that was his time away from the trauma. 

I felt I never got to leave the trauma and felt overwhelmed in so many ways. I was so tired. I tried to find my rest in so many things. I wanted rest in my husband, my girls, food, anything but where I should have gone for rest. 

My husband and daughter always offered to do things for me. They helped clean, cook and do laundry. I didn't feel rested. I was appreciative . But it wasn't the rest I needed. I hope they can forgive me.

I started these blogs to give people courage and hope. I wanted to share what God has blessed our family with. Not discouragement. So Im going back where the devil stole from me, from us and Im re-writing this story. I continued to write worry and fear in my pages and thoughts because I got lost in the worry and fear. 
I had some time in the past couple of weeks to stop and rest. To put God first again. I went back and I have apologized and repented Ive asked forgiveness.  God has forgiven me and lifted such a burden from me.  

I failed to get back to the way created me. Spirit first, Soul next, and then my body.  I was lacking in all three. You can't find happiness in others but you can find Joy in God. It is a fruit of the spirit. 
I was hurting so badly I didn't want to see my family walking in hell anymore. I was so tired all I could say is that I was tired. I heard my husband saying the same thing. Our daughters Physician has always made the comment to us that his families unfortunately don't ever see the end of PTSD ( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Now we continue to pray and ask God to bring restoration to each of us as Individuals, to our marriage, our children. God brings restoration to our families in Jesus name. 

Choose Life- Deut. 30:15-18

15 “See, I have set before you today life and [t]prosperity, and death and [u]adversity;16 in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you may live and multiply, and that the Lord your God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it. 17 But if your heart turns away and you will not obey, but are drawn away and worship other gods and serve them, 18 I declare to you today that you shall surely perish.  You will not prolong your days in the land where you are crossing the Jordan to enter [v]and possess it. 

So the next several blog posts will be about this journey. It really made a difference in me. I needed healed. I wanted so bad to help my family I even became burdened with their burdens. They felt controlled. I took on so much baggage that I didn't need to.  

So to all those who you felt misunderstood ( as I did) and offended, please forgive me as Jesus forgives you.  

Blessedness of Forgiveness and of Trust in God.

A Psalm of David. 

32 How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sinmy [b]body wasted away
Through my [c]groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My [d]vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. [e]Selah.
acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the [f]guilt of my sin. Selah.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You [g]in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with [h]songs of deliverance. Selah.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding,
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.
11 Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones;
And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.

In faith and love, 

My Prayer: 

Matthew 11:28-30New American Standard Bible (NASB)

28 Come to Me, all [a]who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is [b]easy and My burden is light.”

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