The road to recovery, started in Los Angeles

  I wanted to share Abigailes Story by the story of when and where the vaccine injury happened. I have learned about blogs and how to set things up since then.  Our original blog was not very good. I didn't have time to update it. I also was providing 24 hour emergency care for my daughter and trying to still take care of and provide for her sibling and run the house as well. I can say many things have happened since then. We also closed our account for the ISP of the original blog and I was not able to transfer anything from that blog to here. I may one day just pay for a month of service to transfer it and then close the account.

  I am starting the story with Abigaile in Arkansas.  Abigaile was born in Arkansas, that is where the vaccine injury took place as well. The first picture that you will see of her is in her brand new Kidwalk gait trainer. This is her first vehicle of independence.  We were blessed. We had no idea where or what direction we were going. Thank you God !

We press on... Day 1 ( round 2) at Polfit Wellness Anaheim, California

  Here we are at Polfit again.  This is our second time here and it is a love/ hate relationship.  We love it that we see our daughter who was critically injured by vaccines that technically she had some many shots that day we really don't know which one caused it. Then only by going to many specialists and traveling our life savings out did we find out it wasn't our genetics (like they had hoped) and it wasn't my breast milk.  Only conclusion left, was the vaccines.
  We couldn't get help in Arkansas besides telecommute Dr. appointments so we gave away what we had packed one moving truck and moved. There is much that transpired prior to that and one day I will do an <insert here> to catch up but for now I think this is important to give others hope.  If I honestly waited around for someone in our families, or friends, or anyone else to give me hope it just wouldn't happen. If I waited for an answer from God, I believe it wouldn't be faith. Let me tell you without God we wouldn't be here. It is also without God none of this would be possible. We are not that perfect family, with perfect friends, or perfect family. We have not been able to rely on family or anyone else to help us.  It is not that family has not helped they have and I want to offend no one no matter how small but if you think family helps us all the time or has helped us a lot that simply is NOT true.  Lord bless them all the same.
  We spent this past week with our teen daughter in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for an allergic reaction to pollen of palm trees that ended in a nasty asthma attack. She spent three days in the hospital. Abigaile who we are talking about on this page, has multiple chemical disorder and it is serious. There is no where we can go to eat, not even raw foods. We purchase meat from a farm co-op and buy only certain fresh veggies from a farm stand farm by the ocean.  Everything MUST be prepared from scratch or ingredients. We have found one dish detergent, one laundry detergent and only certain cleaners we can use all must be botanical and organic or mild soap and water , then rinsed. It is a nightmare. I am thankful that we have figured it out. Sure I would like to be able to choose and have a variety and not be so cautious all the time but this is our season right now. God is still good without Him we would not know these things.   James 1:5 says this ...

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. I want to be able to document our visits of the treatments that we have done so that it may help others. I will also link as many of the treatment facilities and therapy clinics as possible.  I will say first and foremost though without our faith in God we just wouldn't be where we are doing what we are doing, Abigaile would not be doing as good as she is.  I want to make clear as well I am a total advocate for my child's health.  We as a family unit have sacrificed many things over-all, and daily for Abigailes health and well-being. It is a small price to pay to make her well for the future. Here are some pictures and videos of our day today.  We are out at the end of morning rush hour Los Angeles traffic. We have a one hour drive one way.  Our therapy is 5 hours per day just at Polfit.  We alternate days at our Chiropractor and with Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy treatments to get the most benefit for Abigaile. When we do Hyperbaric oxygen treatments it is twice per week and we are there and in the tank for 1.5 hours plus. The Chiropractor is usually a 30 minute to an hour visit for Abigaile. This does not include her normal Dr. visit with her Bio-med.  It is a very long day and a very long week. The last time we were at it for five weeks, this time only three.  My sweet girl works so hard and she is doing well but it is a lot of work. Below are some of the pictures I wish to share. I will share more once I get organized.

Morning Gratitude Positive Affirmations

Morning Gratitude positive affirmations

Gratitude is a word used to express thankfulness and praise. A general attitude of thanksgiving in both the trials and blessings of life. 

Dear God, Thank you for your amazing power and work in our lives, thank you for your goodness and for your blessings over us. Thank you that you are Able to bring hope through even the toughest of times, strengthening us for your purposes. Thank you for your great love and care. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you that you are always with us and will never leave us. Amen

Our daddy, He is a King, and our Father

James Block- Open the Gates YouTube

 Our daddy the King of the Universe during Rosh Hashanah ( The Spiritual New Year ) dictates what will be and what will not be.  

  He will declare what will be done and what will not be done.  He will give plenty to those who have need. 

  He will service justice to those who have been wronged.  And He will make right to all those who have been done wrong.  

  He is the only one who can be called Father because there is breath and life of Him who created us and gave life to each of us- He resides in our spirit and our soul.  

  It is how we choose that He will dictate the new year to come.  

  It is why we must choose for life.  

 He who sustains and maintains the universe - it is our Father who breathes life into us.  We must choose life in order to see this.  

  My prayer for our girls, Abigaile and Natascha is that I pray that you always know that you are both the daughters of the God of the Universe, A Father, A King, your are royalty in His eyes. 

  I pray that your choices will be centered toward our Father , the sustainer of the universe. So that He will always meet your needs, wants and desires.  I pray that you will choose life in all that you do.  I pray that you have control over your mind to choose between good and evil- and knowing that choosing good instead of culture means that our King will fight for our life.  

  I love you both very much and I miss you both very much- I thank our Father that He gave you both to your daddy and I.  I am choosing life for this situation and circumstances for the coming new year as I have the past 29 months.  I choose God, I choose life, I choose the King of the Universe to win my battles.  I pray that you both will do the same.  I pray that the daddy and King of the Universe will keep you safe from harm.  I hope and pray to see you both soon. 

with love, hugs, sugars and more love,

your mommy,

forever <3

xoxoxo

This Little Light of Mine - and where is God hiding these days?

Where does God hide -

“ This Little Light of Mine - Etta James https://youtu.be/_eZ_M3EJG48

This Little Light of Mine - Odetta https://youtu.be/cMaWsfLYQko

Doesn't it seem that when we have good things to happen in life - we automatically think - oh God - There You are !!!!

But when adversity strikes - we think - God where are you? Am I the only one to think this way? Or are we all thinking wrong?

In my experience and thinking back to the past and in the current situation - I would have to say this has surely been my thinking but in reality, God is always here and He is always with us. The Spirit of God resides in our soul.

We go through situations where we feel like we are closed in. There are fences and gates around us. There are times when it feels as though we see God through the picket fence and other times - there is a cement wall. We scream out " where is the gate?"

Open the gate that is wide - I want to see God only and close the rest of the world and their behaviors out. But then reality stares at me through the picket fence and says " it is better for you to not be alone". For God is always with us- He is always there it is our choice to shut the door or open the door. God isn't hiding - are we hiding God with our everyday choices and circumstances?

This is something that we must ask ourselves.

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow is the gate and difficult the way that leads to life, and those who find it are few.?

My prayer for our girls today is that you seek God when you have a wall that is put up before you and know God is always with you- He is in your soul - no wall can ever stop that. And when you see light on the other side of the fence well keep pushing toward that light and eventually you will be on the other side of that fence.

You might stumble and fall, but God is always there to pick you up - and I will always be there for you both when you stumble and fall - to pick you up. I chose to be a momma, it was an option for me. I made choices to put your best interest before my own. Are my ways perfect? Absolutely not. But the ways that were chosen were the ways that God tells us to live our lives- those were the ways that your dad and I chose for you.

I pray that you remember that God is always holding you in His righteous hand. And momma loves you and misses you both so very much ! I hope and pray to see you both soon <3

with love, hugs, sugars, and more love,

your momma,

forever <3

xoxoxo

The origin of your Soul

is celebrated on the head of the new Hebrew calendar year. It is called Rosh Hashanah.  It is said that on this remembrance  of this day that Adam and Eve were created.  Do I know this to be absolute truth- NO- I wasn't there.  But by far I will acclaim to celebrating the day that the Universe was born - and all of Creation as opposed to the celebration of drunk, New Years resolutions that no one ever keeps. 

   This is my reality.  

  It is this day that sets the tone for the remainder of the year.  From that point your soul can return to its origin and from there you can restart to build your entire being, transform your thoughts, and renew your mind and its way of thinking.

  On this day all things return to their beginning or origin - the slate can be wiped clean.  

  You too can return to your origin - the Soul can return to our Creator, God and His ways.  

  It is from there you can rebuild your entire being from your Soul. 

  It is said that this is when all people of the world pass before God like a flock of sheep, and it is decreed in the heavenly court “who shall live, and who shall die - who shall be impoverished and who shall be enriched; who shall fall and who shall rise.” for the coming year. 

  It is a day of prayer, a time to ask God, our Creator to grant us a year of peace, prosperity and blessing. But it is also a joyous day when we proclaim God is King of the Universe.

  It is a day of remembrance of our beginning of our Soul , brought to this earth - but a day of Judgement when God our King calls all of His Creation to determine their fate of the year ahead.  

  In essence it is a remembrance to repentance to God for those things we have done wrong - and a dedication to do things right in the eyes of God for the following year.  It is a remembrance of the binding of Isaac - the ram that was given place as sacrificial offering to God.  The Shofar, or the voice , the sounding of the King is coming - God, the King of Creation <3 

  My prayer for our girls is that you return to your Soul of Origin-  the Soul that God our King gave to you at your Creation, before your birth - in the womb.   And that you not only hear the rams horn but more importantly that you sound the horn, your voice proclaiming who your King is.  It isn't the kings of the earth, but it is the only King of the Universe, God.  

  It is then that your mind and spirit, your emotions and your Soul, can heal and transform your thinking and your flesh.  You will have a renewed way of thinking. A new way of doing things.  Bringing about new circumstances in your life. 

  I pray that God continues to keep you safe from harm, that God blesses each of you with His love, His embrace, His awesome power and majesty.  I pray and have hope and faith to see you both soon-  

There is no light in death but in life - keep following the life, the truth of God, the good of God.  

with love, hugs, sugars, and more love,

your mommy,

forever, 

xoxoxo

The birth of the universe and everything in it

The Fall Feasts High Holy days and rebirth/ renewal

  It is each new year during the Feasts that the sound of the Shofar is sounded.  It is said that during this time there is a rebirth or a renewing of the universe and everything in it.  

  The Shofar (ram’s horn )  sounded during the month of Elul, on Rosh HaShanah and at the close of Yom Kippur; reminiscent of the ram “tangled in the bush by its horns”  ( the sacrificial ram ) during the Binding of Isaac (Genesis 22), the shofar sounded at Sinai (Exodus 19)and the shofar of Moshiach (Isaiah 27:13)

Genesis 22- The binding of Isaac - The Binding of Isaac - Genesis 22 

Exodus 19  - The Shofar sounding -  The Shofar sounding - Exodus 19

Isaiah 27:13 -The Shofar of the spirit of God - The shofar of the Spirit of God - Isaiah 27:13

  During this time of the rebirth, of the universe, and all those in it -  this is a time of resolution for our prayers.  During this time we hold awesome power to our prayers.  This is our time on the mountain like Abraham. 

  This is the time like the child of the newborn year, the Feasts, how soon will there be new breath, new life, how soon will this child be able to get up and walk-  to take us through the next twelve months of the new birth year?  

  We experience similar on the birth of the new moon- which is the beginning of a new month -  that life is renewed again.  

  We experience new life every morning at the end of the night - it is nighttime that is similar to the taste of death. 

  It is at every moment in time that the particles of the earth, when every living being, all of life, nature and creation - that are burst into the universe of life and it is recreated.  A newness , a new beginning during these times of renewal. Just at it was at the beginning of time. 

  This is reason to have Hope and Faith - the time for renewal- a new beginning life is reborn and new again.  This is where we become masters of how this moment will be born again for the new year. 

  My prayer for our girls is that we should daily sacrifice our lives to God like Isaac.  Not for others but so that we can be in active mission and service to God.  God will renew generations of lives not just our own.  My prayer is that when we sound our voices ( our shofar)  to tell others about God - and His renewal of life we exile ourselves but we also exile others. 

  This will then tune others ears to the sound of the spirit of God.  Where His spirit will dwell among us , through others , with goodness, kindness, and the outpouring of love and those who are peacemakers.  This is the time of the shofar ( or sound - a time to hear ) and see the presence of the Spirit of God who lives in each person who carries His fruit.  When this happens the new city will be on the earth.  What a glorious day that will be - the day of the Lord - the Moshiach - the Spirit of God, the Messiah.  What do you call His name?  I pray for the celebration of the Feasts the High Holy days - a time of renewal , strength and Joy for the coming new year.  I pray that during this Feast that you both will be renewed, given new strength, new understanding, and a new love for life and renewed Fatih in our Father God and I pray that His spirit to dwell in your souls. 

With love, hugs, sugars, and more love, 

your mommy 

forever, 

xoxoxo

Playing Peek A Boo with God

Behind the veil is the Glory of God 

  Do you ever remember playing hide and seek when you were a child?  It probably started for you like it did with me that our parents started this little game of innocence when you were a baby.  It was most likely mom or dad who was playing peek - a -boo and then as you got older it became hide a seek.  These fun games also teach life lessons.  The game of peek a boo used to get shrills of laughter or cackling laughter, that sweet belly laugh of a baby or toddler.  It almost never failed.  If a child were to fall down and get hurt, immediately the peek a boo or hide and seek would come out.  Needless to say there were no game pieces to lose and no electronics involved. All that is necessary is momma and baby or momma and toddler.  However when the daddy jumps in and plays the baby is almost non-stop laughing.  

  God is much the same way as a parent.  Are there times that you are curious about where God is?  Like what is He doing?  Like you are in a situation and saying " God, Father its me- I'm right here. I know You love me and I know you care for me.  Can you see I'm suffering?  I give it all to You God will You please take it?  "   And then you meekly go on about you day, thinking God will surely show up in this situation.  There are minutes and days that go by, months and then years and all the while it doesn't seem like He heard me.  So I repeat again God it has been a couple of years now, remember that situation that I gave to you when it happened? And then I have prayed about it since?  

    All the while during this past two years I haven't sat still with this situation totally. I have been still. He tells us to be still.  That is so we can wipe out the distractions and being busy in life.  So we can hear Him. So we can hear His instruction in our mind.  And yet there are things along the way that He has you doing that are in correlation with this situation but you see no results.  Or so you think there are no results, because you can't always physically see the results being played behind the veil. 

  And then one day you start looking as though this situation is building a case.  A case in where God is going to definitely show up- like He has already been showing up but you can't physically see Him.  But He has been working.  Not only has He been working but He has also been building you.  Building you to where He wants you to be so that you can be better equipped for what He wants you to do in your mission on this earth. 

  So at times God seems hidden, but seriously where can God hide?  God is everywhere.  There is no place that is void of God. NONE. 

 So as a parent hides behind their fingers to play peek - a- boo with their child.  God also hides Himself with power and splendor while watching over His children to get the response that He desires so that we do good.  A Father who removes the veil and says, here I am child , come to me.  That is Gods way of expressing - Peek - A- boo !

  It is then that we hear His voice and sit in the comfort and the peace of His presence - knowing that He is ours and we are His.  Then we can laugh and say we knew you never left You have been here all along.  We just couldn't see You for You were holding the veil.  

  And that is what He was waiting for. 

  My prayer for our girls is that momma has played peek a boo and hide and seek with our girls many times. I believe even being the age you are today I would still play it with you. I have so many fond memories and fun memories of hearing you both laugh and cackle at the top of your lungs.  We haven't always been given the best of situations but we made the best out of them.  

  I pray that you know that God is always there- just as your mommy is always here.  I pray that when you feel frustrated, fed up, sad, and all the other emotions that can flood you and try to steal your Joy - know that God is right behind the veil.  You just have to pray when you make quiet, and He will remove the veil.   I pray that when things don't seem right, that you know things aren't right, that you can pray and that God will give you the answer.  I pray that God puts people in your life that will encourage you to do right instead of doing what is popular or what peer pressure says.  Peer pressure is guided by a group of peers who live in fear.  They believe that when they stand together in a group and all agree , not knowing all the information needed to make a good judgement- but instead they all agree.  Some one will always be hurt.  I pray you stand alone if that is what it takes, but do the right thing.  

  Momma loves you both very much and I miss you both very much.  I hope and pray to see you both soon.  

with love, hugs, sugars and more love

love momma, 

forever,

xoxoxo

Go back to the place before you were born

The Shekinah - the light of the Soul

The place from before you ever born - and in that place you will find the strength for every obstacle that you will ever meet. 

  We are a pure soul before we are born into this world and placed on this earth for our mission. The only desire at that time is to do good.  

  Once we are born we have been descended into a world controlled by a beast that screams from the outside.  Because of this beast that tries to get into your mind and control your thoughts - the confusion may get you to think differently than doing good.      Instead the beast wants you to live in fear and it wants to control and manipulate your mind with thoughts of " what if ?" .

  God created each son and daughter, we are all sons and daughters, religions will lie to you and tell you there are people who are not.  But that isn't true.  We are all created by God.  

  It is the voice of the mind control named beast that uses that " what if?" to get you to change your mind.  

  So even if one says that they swear they will always do good and always have good desires- you say you will always keep your word.  What happens when one doesn't?  How do you overcome your own desires when they aren't for the good?  How do you overcome your desires and wants when they harm other people and cause trauma to them? 

  It is because this oath that you swore to, reached into your soul and it reached a place that surpassed all of your desires and the place where the light is, the light of the Creator.  This place is where reasoning and desire are no more powerful than the light of the Creator.  It is in this place that your soul swore to do good, despite reasoning and desires.  

  When life and the demand to do good and to do the right thing before God seems to difficult to do.  Go back to that place into your soul , where the light is , and rekindle that light, rekindle that fire at the very core of your being.  

  This is the place where the world , the CULTure, and the beast bow down as a servant to its master.  

  This is the place that you existed before you were born.  Your soul. 

  The place that surpasses all understanding.  

  My prayer for our girls is that you both when in exile, when in turmoil, when in despair - all those things that you get caught up into of the world, the CULTure, the beast, and even other people.  Go to a quiet place.  Go to where nature is predominant.  And sit in the still with your eyes closed, and taking some deep breath.  Letting go of the world, CULTure and the beast.  Sit in the stillness and imagine in your mind going to that place in your soul- while your traveling to the soul in your mind , when you see the light - the light looks as a candle.  It has a bright beautiful flame with a pure light glow.  Thats where you stop, and you sit in the light and leave all your world, your CULTure, the beast at that place and give it to God.   He will take those things from you.  And when you leave don't forget to take with you, your light.  The light will bring you Joy and peace going back out into the world.  Go back out in to the world with the tools of Joy and peace- with intent to do the right thing, and to do good in the world.  It is how the world and CULTure get changed.  

  Momma loves you both and I miss you both very much.  The only thing that keeps this mommy motivated is my light- and to keep my mental picture of Abigaile and Natascha, our beautiful girls in my mind.  And to stay present in my soul, with my light.  My light, He is my Creator.  He is my love and my everything.  

with love, hugs, sugars, and more love, 

love your mommy, 

forever,

xoxoxo

God is everywhere

God created each and everything thing on this earth and each thing within its own realm.  The realm in which it exists is its own being - the world, culture, other people, places, animals or things - it does not exist.  It only truly exists with in its own unique body.  

  There are then thoughts or ideas that exist only in the world of the mental power to understand reasoning and understanding objectively.   

  In nature or in the mind of creatures - this type of intellect doesn't exist.  In this world of the creature, only emotions exist.  

 Emotions exist in a world where creatures exist on the capacity to feel, perceive, or to experience based on the senses, personal feelings, or opinions.  This is not thinking with ideas, thoughts or intellect.  

  In the physical world of things such as fire, earth, wind, or water, rocks things that are inanimate - emotions are non-existent there also. 

  In the world of languages - it is only words, sentences, communication between other human beings that exist.  

Animals do not have human languages that exist.  Animals do not have words, they do not have sentences.   

  Instead animals perceive emotions by the ability or capacity to feel, perceive and experience things based on their senses or past reflection of events that caused certain reactions.  

  God is not just a word in a language- God is not a feeling- God is not a emotion - God is not a idea or a symbol of anything else. 

What God is - Is reality.  

  God is the center of all things.  God is the center of everything.  God is an essential reality of all things in reality.  God is also the essential reality in each thing.   God is the essential energy ( life) with in all cells and all living things.  God is the nucleus of all living things.  

  

God is in reality - God is everywhere . 

  My prayer for our girls today is to know in your heart and minds that mommy loves you and misses you both very, very much.  

Also know that mommy would never abandon or leave you both, never.  

  I pray that when you see people, places, or things that you search for the very being of God and the character of God in each person.  You can see the physical beauty of God in the places that He created.   Know that every form of living creature has God with in it- and surrounding it.  

  I pray that God reveals Himself to you in all your thoughts, in your emotions - the way you feel, perceive or experience by your feelings, your senses and your past experiences.  God gives each of us the innate ability to do this.  Seek God in this and don't allow others to infringe upon this.  These are key qualities to survival.  The way that God created each of us to live, not by peer pressure, or others controlling and manipulating our thoughts, beliefs, or circumstances.  We have been given by God - emotions and senses to perceive danger and to know when situations are not safe.  We have been given intellect and taught what to do when we need to leave those situations.  

 When people try and control others thoughts or actions those are based on fear and anxiety - not reality.  

 Don't live in others past regrets.   But instead live the way God has shown to you - your reality.  Through your own thinking and your own mind. 

  I pray for your safety, your well being, that God will bless your thoughts with Joy and peace.  I pray that you know that anxiety and fear are not thoughts of God but instead thoughts to distract you from God.  Popularity and people pressuring others to do things against their will are also contrary to thinking the way of God.   I have taught you to think while growing up - to be positive to show love and kindness.  We don't have to allow others to control our thinking - nor do we have to control others thinking.  That is " stinking thinking". 

  I love our girls very much and I miss you both - I hope to see you both soon.  

with love, hugs, sugars, and more love, 

your momma, 

forever, 

xoxoxo

What is your birthday? - birthdays of our beautiful girls a time of reflection

2016 Birthday mission - Conway, Arkansas

A birthday is a mission that you are able to give to the world, your specific mission, something that no one else can do. 

  A child is a gift from God, placed in their mothers womb.  And in that womb you were comfortable, warm and you were cared for. 

  But after your allotted time in the womb - you had to leave that nice, warm comfy place to go out into the world.  The world of cruel, harsh, cold, and bitterness.  The cruel, cold world where many bitter people who are resentful place their bitterness on others. Where the simple act of living sometimes is just a struggle. 

  You cry when you sense the cold, or when you have a need. 

  But yet every year on this day is a celebration.  Why do we celebrate this day?  

  The day that you left the womb you no longer were the extension of another being but instead you became your own unique individual. 

  The day that you arrived in to the world as your own unique and talented individual - God empowered you with gifts and talents that no other individual could give.  Not even your parents could give you.  And no one else who could teach you skills or trades, no one can give or empower you will these talents or gifts that God has given to you.  No amount of money can buy these talents or gifts that God can give to you.  

  So when you celebrate your birthday, think of the real reason why you are celebrating- it is not for the gifts, or the cake or ice cream.  The real reason for your birthday is so that you can reflect on the gifts and talents to be used for your mission in this world. 

  Take time to reflect and think, what have you given to the world that the world did not give to you ?  

  That is the meaning of birthday.  

  My prayer for our beautiful girls. I pray that you both had wonderful birthdays.  That you can take time to reflect the real meaning of your birthdays.  What has God given to you that no one else has given you?  The gifts and talents - that God has put inside you to be able to show others that you undeniably have the gift of life - but you also have the gift of God to be able to reach others.  I pray that our girls know that I, their momma love them both and miss them both very much.  I pray that our girls know that I did not take you away from me, and I have not kept you away from me.  I will always be here for you both, with open arms, with love and knowing that you can come back to me.  I can not think of two more wonderful and beautiful gifts that God could ever give to me than our daughters Abigaile and Natascha.  I pray that God reveals to you on your birthdays more birthdays and He continues to give you gifts and talents to be used for His will and His ways. I pray to be able to see you both again soon. 

with love, hugs, sugars, and more love,

love mommy, 

forever <3 

xoxoxo