To my Abigaile and Natascha, because I can't tell you face to face what mommy is feeling I can tell you here. The option of expressing my feelings to you has been forcefully and unduly taken away since May 21, 2017. I spent your lives until may 2017 as I gave birth to you, you were part of my body, your primary caregiver, your attachment, and your momma. The most difficult part besides not hearing or seeing you daily in my life is being told that I can look at a blog instead- when your physical contact was removed from me by abduction by no proven cause or justifiable reason.
The next thing that is difficult is that I cannot teach you life lessons like mothers should teach daughters. We live in a perverted and disgusting culture that it doesn't matter what you were taught when you were growing up - some people find it offensive if you don't drink, don't do drugs, don't take pharmaceuticals because you are healthy, and you dress modestly. They even take offensive if you eat healthy. You see people criticize others, and bully them and even emotionally buy their attention if they disagree with how you are raised, personal beliefs and religious conviction.
I promised you that I would never leave you, I would never harm you and that I would never allow anyone else to harm you. I wasn't prepared for someone that I trusted most of all to forcefully remove you from me and take you both, keep you and withhold you from me for no proven or justifiable cause .
I promised you I would always protect you and never allow anyone to harm you. I hope that you realize by now- I didn't leave you and I didn't abandon you. Instead you were forcibly removed from me by the person we all trusted. The actions that were done were not by me but the person who took you with no further communication , withholding and keeping you from me.
I promised you that mommy would always love you and that we would always share every day our good morning, our goodnights, our daily prayers and our hugs, sugars and love- sadly those were removed as well - but not by me.
I miss all these things and mommy is broken I look back and I try to understand how someone that I lived with for over 20 years could take away from me the most precious lives that God has ever given to me and I can't even have an understanding of why or how anyone could ever do this to a child.With no insight , no explanation, and just to expect you both and myself to just accept it as it is - I don’t see that and I certainly do not accept it.
I want for you both to understand that mommy has tried through local, state, and even federal government to bring you both back. I couldn't afford an attorney because being a stay at home mommy for 20 years- and attorneys don't work for free - I was told by legal aide - there was a conflict of interest - you can google why this is but I’m thinking you are already aware and have figured it out ( nothing justified ).
Mommy did not know where you were and that you were being forced to stay there until I received a court order that was delivered to the campground where we all were living before you were taken. By the time I learned where you were over 6 months had passed and it seems that you already had a new address, and new everything for you there already - no longer in Texas but in a different state of Florida. Please google - home state for each state so you can understand this in family law and how people especially parents abuse it and how govt. and organizations even legal aide exploit it. I have always committed to be honest with you. I am not changing this character trait for anyone.
I know that I have always told you that no one would ever take you -and I would always come and find you but it seems that this was all planned out and I was the only party who was unaware of what was happening. In fact, Natascha probably was aware of this long before I was. It gives a whole new meaning to the word deceit.
Please know that I had nothing to do with any of this- I had no idea and by the time I found out the laws are there to protect who ever can pay the attorney - called attorney because they get paid for the person they represent and not the law.
Please know that mommy misses you both so very much and I cant imagine the pain, the trauma , knowing you were just as misled as I have been, I am so sorry that this has happened to you both . I pray for healing for you both mentally, emotionally and physically as well as for our family.
I have forgiven all those who have taken part in taking our daughters- both of these babies both came from my body. They were birthed to me. I carried them inside my body and vowed to God to protect them at all cost. It is not me who has let them down and not protected them but others.
I am sorry Natascha that you won't talk with me but I do understand. I can't imagine what it is like to be led along for years in this situation and to know that you just wake up one day and leave and have the mentality that you will never see your momma , who has done nothing wrong. You can’t do anything about it and you couldn't tell me about it. Most of all I am so burdened for you knowing all along. Now I understand all the warning signs of the behaviors that you had - I so wish that you would have trusted momma enough to tell me so this could have been prevented. No child no matter their age or mental capacity or adult should even have to be in this position.
I can't imagine the anger, frustration and feeling of abandonment that you must feel. And the pain of feeling like I was leaving you and not coming to get you. I’m sure you have only heard and experienced one side of the story. Please know that once I actually had an address besides your dads - moms address I asked for welfare checks to be done because all of my phone calls, text messages, and emails to you and your dad were not being responded to. And if I happened to get a random message for a holiday or a birthday the verbiage and spelling was not significant of your grammar. I home educated you for a reason.
I am sorry Abigaile , your mommy has been your side kick from day one. I have given you CPR when you have almost died- I have been through every test, needle stick, drug dosing, therapy, treatment, slept in ICU in a crib with you having non stop seizures. I slept with you on my chest at night sitting up for months - to be sure you were breathing- I went for weeks not sleeping and it didn’t matter so long as I could keep you alive.
I have won an entitlement to a medical /health trust and guardianship for you that was to be used to make you well and rehabilitate you. And you were better, thriving and taking independent steps and not drugged, or doped. You also were verbalizing sentences, you had 15 or more words with 2 - 3 word sentences. Your therapy , your treatments, speech and everything going for you including not having seizures and not being drugged. I trained personally on all your care plan the only thing I had not trained in was HBOT. You were happy, healthy and full of love. I pray deeply for you my child. I pray for your safety and I pray for those who have harmed you and for those who have stolen from you.
I also pray for the judge who has a label of a Hague judge - who didn't take the time to see the fairness in what I had sent in my counter claim. Instead stating on court judgment - statements that were false and I can prove this claim.
I also pray Abigaile for your longterm Dr Kartzinel - I especially pray for him. The conversations I have had with him and the emails I sent begging him to take you off of drugs that you were having reactions to causing seizures in addition to the significant trauma of being forcibly taken from your attachment and birth mom - and to not give you CBD oil which your dad and I had agreed was not going to happen given the multiple addictive behaviors in family members. I begged him on the phone as well and sent numerous emails with cited Psychology articles and case studies about parent /child alienation and the trauma , the abuse , the mental anguish that it causes children. I have emails saved - sadly when I requested all of your medical records - none of those emails were listed or were showing on your medical record files.
I also requested that Kartzinel talk with your dad about parent alienation and the dangers and I was told amongst others things that " you were in a very good place in Florida - that you were happy- and Dr Kartzinel completely disregarded that you were removed from your mother for no justifiable reason. I told him numerous times on phone and in emails the specific drugs he was giving you were causing you seizures as we had many conversations before and this was proven when you were taken off the drugs and would stop having the muscle twitches and seizures. It is ironic, I was your primary contact with him for 13.5 years and your care and my care plan resulted in rehabilitation with remarked improvement - while after you left you immediately were thrown into trauma care again and the last time I was sent your medical records you were on a record number of drugs, marijuana oil, and your symptoms worse even stating that caregivers were drugging you six times per day. In fact, according to your medical records you regression is almost at where you began this battle after the vaccine reaction.
I’m really sorry Abigaile mommy made a very poor choice with Dr. Kartzinel . I can see that now with all the times he has asked about how much your entitlement and guardianship funds were - and had conversations with me about starting group homes for kids with Autism labels - so that kids could live in these group homes there in Florida. I'm finally seeing what the big picture is. In my phone call with him he told me that over 85% of his practice was going through the same situation that our family was dealing with in regard to runaway dads and abducting their children . It seems he was proud of the fact he had a lot of soon to be single dads that he could bond with.
Dr Kartzinel also stated to me that I could send him a email of when you were better and what I was doing for you. I advised him on several occasions that he is giving you drugs your allergic to , have reactions to that have caused seizures in the past and it was noted on several office visits as well as phone calls in the past .
However nothing about any of the reactions, or the drugs causing seizures have ever been previously documented in your chart. I’m curious why a serious adverse reaction to seizure drugs and even an emergency seizure drug that causes others seizures, is addictive and has been given to you on more than one occasion- that caused seizures and muscle twitching is not documented in your medical chart ever? When you were taken off of this drug, and the emergency drug you stopped having seizures. This is alarming to me especially since Dr. Kartzinel seemed to believe that having seizures after having a vaccine reaction was a major event.
Also you had not been diagnosed with Autism because of your progress and you really didn't have the symptoms, Dr Kartzinel has asked me this before and we had a few conversations about this. I'm curious why you ended up being diagnosed with Autism after the trauma of being taken away from me and abducted to Florida? When I questioned this before divorce or any other documents or notifications were sent - I was told by Dr. Kartzinel to hire someone to do mediation. I’m curious why Dr. Kartzinel would change his stance after working with me for 13.5 years and having a progressive but positive and documented care plan as well as a child who - was healthy, happy, and not diagnosed with all the symptom disorders and on drugs that she had been known to have seizures, as well as additional adverse reactions that led to more drugs and supplements. In addition to CBD oil in a family that has known serious addictive behaviors which was expressed numerous times. In a child with a chemical known drug reaction to a vaccine , seizures drugs, given addictive drugs and then to a child with forced Psychological trauma and a Traumatic Brain injury.
I was told there was a Genetics panel done and it showed autism - but Genetic is genetic and doesn't change. We had visits with two different Geneticist early on in this vaccine reaction and the only way Genetics would change is for a chemical component a drug to be given to our daughter or a vaccine - In fact it was the Genetics professor at Arkansas Childrens Hospital who started me on research on the vaccine injury and that is how my curiosity and research started with that.
I have an email to Dr Kartzinel that states the use of gene editing research I have been doing called C.R.I.S.P.R. which can cause this same gene editing. The past 16 years of research Abigaile is finally paying off and I have finally learned the etymology of your vaccine reaction. I have even written a case study for you sweetheart ! Genetics don't change with out damage and chemical intervention - and predisposition is not acceptable here because no amniocentesis was ever done and you sweetheart were the perfect pregnancy and mommy was healthy.
So many questions being asked and so many emails saved and being gone through. I won't stop until I have answers. All of the unnecessary medical trauma, the drugging, trauma causes additional neurological damage, childhood trauma and it is regressing Abigailes care and potential of where she could be and where she was at.
I’m trying hard to understand why anyone would take you from a safe and healthy environment where you were thriving and instead cause so much trauma. There is no one and no cause that is ever more important than the well being of my children and that includes myself.
I pray that God will turn this situation around - my daughters will always be my family . I have no sight of what the rest of this story looks like but there is a God and I do believe their is one- I am looking, and praying and believing that God is going to show up. I believe in the Truth and nothing but the truth and there have been a lot of shadiness happening behind my back. I can assure you God sees it all.
I love you my sweet beautiful girls and you have neither one deserved any of this. To be taken away from me your momma for no justifiable reason and just expected that you both will just take on a new life and new way of living and just to forget your momma is really not acceptable to me nor is it stable or healthy thinking.
I love you and I miss you and I will keep telling my story over and over and if I need to I will publish emails, medical records or whatever it takes to get my girls back. I have done nothing wrong. And I am not backing down that easy. And I will not be silenced.
I pray and I'm hopeful that others will see this the same way that I do. They will stop causing my daughters the trauma and mental anguish that has been caused in 32 months.
I pray and ask that you stop placing trauma on our daughters from your childhood traumas and do not blame me for your attachment disorders.
with love, hugs, sugars, and more love,
your mommy forever and eternity <3
xoxoxo
# JUSTICE FOR ABIGAILE AND NATASCHA
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