Cauterize the Flesh ...

  Dear God,

     Why do we have to endure such pain and agony?  I don't understand.  I see my child struggle and 

try so hard.  I see the unconditional love in her eyes. She is so trusting, so happy, and so genuine. 

     

She makes me Happy, she makes me Sad,  she tries my Patience,  and one 

thing that she always does, is she gives me unconditional LOVE .

She was wonderfully made in the image of God in His Love, His Wisdom, His Faith

Grace, Mercy........

  I don't know or understand why God allows somethings to happen. I have had so many 

people to ask how can God do this?  I don't believe that God did this.  Man did this.

The outright greediness of man.  It was not a misfortune, nor was it genetic.  It was 

greed.  The very people who defend this happening are no different than the

Perpetrators that have allowed it to happen.  Please, please do your research and 

due diligence when you vaccinate your children.  I have repented giving these shots 

so many times to our daughter. 

God please cauterize my FLESH 

( cauterize is to burn or freeze the flesh around a wound, usually to close off or clean the wound.)

Take my burdens from me, take this yoke 

it is heavy Lord.

 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."  Matthew 11:29-30.

You see my family and I are not strangers to misfortune.  It happened the day that my 

husband and I said " I do" to God.  We were married in a small glass chapel in Arkansas .

We decided to not have just a traditional ceremony.  We had a second ceremony as well. 

This second ceremony was our marriage and we were married to do the work of God. 

God has held us to this. We may not always understand ( and we don't) why we go

through some of the things we do.  It is so God can shine. It is so that people see that we 

have more than ourselves to depend on, trust and follow.  

  I just can't tell you, explain to you what we have gone through.  I don't think anyone

see's it.  I think that many just are grateful it isn't happening to them.  

  The worst is seeing your child. A child so precious and full of love and she has endured 

so much.  I have watched this baby from the time she was born to now.  Let me show you 

show you some of her miles stones. 

• 2003 my sweet pea was born ( normal pregnancy, no complications healthy baby).
• 2004 after vaccines - seizures within 24 hours. 
• Her body swelled so badly that her skin was full of fluids the back of her neck would profusely drip water because of the fluids, the toxins coming out of her brain.
• She was still trying to make milestones but because of the hundreds of seizures per day she couldn't even function. We couldn't function. We had no help. No family help. No friends help. No church help (yes we were members at several churches over these years). 
• I saw her fall, I saw therapist who would drop her because of the seizures.
• I saw her struggle to eat. 
• I would give her seizure medicine only to see her pass out or seizure worse. We later found out she was allergic to the seizure meds. Yes the only one approved for children her age.  
• 2004-2009 we spent all of our savings, retirement and sold almost everything we had to try and keep our home. We spent all of our money to travel to different children's hospitals to find out what happened with our child. What we found is that there was nothing Genetic, there was nothing Chromosomal wrong. We found Doctors who would take our money and tell us they didn't know what to do. We kept pressing on. 
• 2005 we found out that our daughter had a adverse reaction to her vaccines. We didn't believe in suing. We had a decision to make and so that our case would be logged into a data base for vaccine injured children.  
• By this time we had almost lost everything but we were still handing on to our family and to our child. Nothing else really mattered. 
• We reported on the VAERS voluntary reporting system. 
• I have never felt so alone and abandoned in my entire life.  I know and my family knows that through all of this. God was always there. He is always here and He is always near. 
• We spent until 2010 that this was kept in the court system.  We did win our case. We sold our house for what we owed on it, lost our car
• 2010 we could no longer get home therapy or adequate treatments for our daughter. We sold our house, sold what we could and gave the rest away. 
• We went to California with 1 truck of our necessities so that we could do treatments and therapy for our daughter. I can't tell you the progress she made there. It was amazing. I have seen this little girl thrive and thrive and thrive. It is GOD>>>>>> my husband was employed with a company in NW Arkansas - we took the family medical leave act.  After the three month leave, he no longer had a job. So we were jobless and seeing our daughter THRIVE.... 
• 2013 we started getting low of funds. There are few funds left and we have to be good stewards of what we have left. We had to move on as we could not afford to live in California, we could not get a job, and so it was time to move on.
• We came to HERE, the desert.  Again.  But God we have been to the desert before. Many times. Its when God wants our attention. We need quiet without interference. With out complaint.  

The reason for my post is that today I needed my heart transformed.  I needed a renewal 

of my mind and my spirit.  I heard children outside laughing, playing, little girls with 

their squealing... it was a Birthday party. My Abi had Birthday parties years ago when 

she was a baby and I would have the girls Birthday parties together because there were 

siblings who would come along and play.  However, this no longer happens.  I watched my

Abi's face as she could hear the children. Her sweet little eyes, piercing blue looks so 

innocent , trusting and beautiful.  She sort of grunts and makes inflections of sounds and 

tones - I could tell she was wanting to know what was happening. She smiles, goes on 

about her way of playing and I ask the daddy to take her out to her Amtryke bike.  They 

go riding down the street. He is pushing her along with the big handle on the back - she 

puts her little feet in the stirrups of the pedals and rides off. 

  I sat here and listened to the children with my heart breaking- just like it does so many 

times. I know my child is loved, she is loved unconditionally.  She is given so much love 

because we have nothing else to give her. You see she can't get caught up with iPhones,

stereos, TV, or anything else of this world. She doesn't care about clothes, her hair or 

where she is going to go. She knows when she has a seizure, when she see's other kids 

playing, laughing and running she says, "Bye His Stripes I'm Healed". Isaiah 53:5 is a verse

that we taught her very earlier on.  God I need to be cauterized.  Please cauterize my heart.  

  We have not had to do without.  We have not gone hungry.  We have not been homeless. 

I thank God and I praise God and His Holy name for this.  

  So in a short time, the landlord in the home we currently live in wants to sell. Again, we are looking for a home.  Except our home is not here. We are merely passing through this place.  I have never complained about my child I love this child more than anything. She brings light to so much darkness. Its so difficult to see how people judge her ability.  Its difficult as a parent to see a child not be able to enjoy Birthdays, family, friends because that child can not do what other children can by being mobile.  

  I like to think not everyone is so cruel, so callous.  I know this home, this Earth is temporary and I thank God for that. I will believe that until this Earth exists no more and the Messiah comes for His Bride (for us) we will wait on the Messiah....

I will leave you with this.... my Princess who has taught me much in trusting only in God! 

Thank you and God bless you to those of you who have given to our fundraising efforts.  Our efforts are currently focused on finding our next home and to move on.  

Here is what God tells me ... He has told me that Abi is Healed I believe His Word He does not lie !  
He has also told me this and therefore I do not rely on others of this world 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Much love to you all 
I will not fear ( fear is faith contaminated)