Summer 2013 Beauty for Ashes

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.  So reads Isaiah 61:3.... 

  I have been reminded of this verse many times, through many circumstances and have been to this place so many times.  I believe it is part of our maturity , growth and to humble ourselves before God and His very presence in our lives.  I think of God and I am brought to tears, to my knees in worship, in adoration of Him how He can love those who are so filthy and no worth of His praise but yet He adores His children, us.  

  We have dealt with many circumstances and I will tell you the deeper our faith the more humbling experience happens. I am just reduced to "ashes" . I am waiting for my beauty in all this and I believe that my beauty comes from praising God and to worship God through all this, that is my beauty. 

  To get an updated on our family please be sure to read our family blog for our latest experience.  You can find it here :  http://funinthesonthegolecfamilytimes.blogspot.com   I will update some photos of our time at the house in Cantata Drive.  We are praying for those who have wronged us and I believe that God will deal with them.

 Joel 2:25 tells us this:  

"Then I will make up to you for the years That the swarming locust has eaten, The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you.

  You know what, I am not perfect but I stand with and am in agreement with a perfect God, one who knows no sin and one who has forgiven our sins. I am praying for those who call themselves Christians and those who don't to be forgiven they are being misled by their flesh.  I have never seen anyone spitefully, hatefully and be vindictive to a family with a special needs child.  It is rampant. 

  I pray also for those who know we have had NO help and think that we are on some sort of vacation, I assure you this is no vacation.  I can't believe how many people call us to tell us of their wonderful trips and time off and how they are having such a good time. I just have no words for this. Its great that your having such a great time, but really you talking to a family who has done therapy for ten (10) very long years. We are talking 7 days a week with no option to stop if we want to help our child.  We have had minimal to no help during all of this.  We have not had the support from friends and family that I see for a lot of people or community and that is okay.  We have God.  I have not been away from either of my children for Sixteen (16) years and ten (10) of those years have been with a special needs child with no break.  

  We do not get to go shopping and leave our child with someone, we do everything with our girls and we do not have family or friends who have watched them.  Please do not take it wrong for those who have helped us along the way. We are thankful to those who have helped we have been very appreciative.  

  We have extreme allergic reactions, occasional seizures from multiple chemical sensitivity, therapy, treatments, we have to do a meal plan and shop at local farms (this is not convenient food or a drive through) we don't have a choice this is what we do to make our child well.  We have to wash clothes , eat, wash dishes and do many things that are different than most people because that is what we do to help our child.  

  We have stayed in a hotel since moving so that we can continue therapy and treatments for our child.  This is not a vacation.  This is reality and it stinks.  How would you like to stay in a hotel that your child is allergic to the food, the bedding, the dish detergent, the cleaning supplies used, the dishwasher soap, the sofa (polyester) the staff uses a fragrance in their cleaning supplies they are afraid to even clean our room anymore.  We look outside and see all the families who are able to visit the buffet bar (part of the price) go every morning to a pre made hot breakfast and coffee or juice for them and dinner three (3) nights per week that are made for them.  We can't enjoy these things. Do you know how it breaks my heart to see my little girl who can't eat this look at each of us with a plate and her little eyes light up and she says "Ummmmm" wanting some not even knowing what it is .. Its just different?  How about the swimming pool? We just spent a year and a half at a house in Mission Viejo with a pool so we could work on Abi.s balance and trunk control and yes so she could enjoy swimming and playing in the water. She loved it! She also managed to greatly improve on her trunk control and even ventured walking Independent in the pool (we of course were near her, but she had the self- esteem to walk independently.) This is what we wanted. Unfortunately, the landlord didn't have the same regard for Abi.s health that we do.  In fact, he sprayed chemicals and completely disregarded what he told him would could be harmful to her health.  It was a blessing to move even if it isn't the ideal situation.  So we sit here looking at all the kids, on summer break outside with their snacks, spraying sunscreen and playing in the pool. Abi sits here for hours looking at them outside the window. Unfortunately she can't join them and neither can her sister as the chemicals could cause her harm.  What do I do? I praise God for the day that she doesn't have to sit on the sidelines and watch other kids play. 
  So from here we have an address in Texas and we are looking to move soon. We have Speech therapy scheduled for a month in Northern Cal. and dental appointments.  Abi also has some dental appointments that will be taken care of before the year is over.  
  We are having to sell and give everything away again beside our personal effects and clothing and move on... 
                            its just stuff... 
          some wishing us well and telling us how bad they have it ... 
                                                    how they never get a break, 
         how they never get time away, 
                                          how they can't afford anything, our world needs more God!  They say that they know God,                 Do they really know the same God I know?     I wonder?                We gave everything to God, we no longer own anything. We like it this way.  I am reminded of this verse:
 Luke: 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

  When people say that they can't understand, I don't think many can understand it is supernatural it is God. I don't try to pretend that it doesn't bother me it does bother me.  I let people think what they want. The people who truly know God knows and understands. If you don't understand try getting closer to God. 

  Our story and witness is about who we place our trust and faith in.  

Blessings 

Happy Fathers Day !

  Well with all the moving, packing and disorganized chaos that we have right now. I decided to do something early for Allen for Fathers Day.  He made a comment a while back that he misses going fishing.  Yes, I can relate to that I really miss doing anything for myself.  Hasn't happened for a long time and you know what people laugh at that but really look at yourself in the mirror before you judge me.
  I spend a lot of time with my child's care and that means not just physical care but administrative time as well that no one sees.  I know what it is like not to get away.

  He got me thinking because I normally don't have a problem with buying something for him.  We really did not have the funds to do it though as we had a lot of expenses for Abi this month with Dr.s and my Dr.s visits etc, eye appts, etc still not done but it will have to wait until we have insurance again.

  Here is my post for what I did with the girls :

Tuesday via mobile

He's out on the bright and sunny Pacific Ocean today, he didnt know where he was going as he arrived to the harbor at the crack of dawn in a taxi. He went to check in and when he did in envelope #2 he found out he had an early Fathers Day gift to go sport fishing! I got a text a little while ago that he caught the first fish on the boat! Could not think of anyone better for the daddy of my girls love this man to bits! Happy early Fathers Day Allen i love you!

Well that about says it all.  He had a good time , he spent 9 hours on a boat on the Pacific Ocean.  It was cloudy with June gloom and so the fish weren't biting.  He did catch 4 fish and was the first on the boat to catch a fish.  That was kind of cool.  There were none of them large enough to keep though.  

This was interesting to plan to say the least.  The van he drives to work died a couple of days before and I could not get Abi up at 4 am to drive him to the harbor.   A lack of sleep has provoked a seizure before and once she is awake, she is awake.  So I called a cab to take him to the harbor.  I booked the cab online , bought his fishing license on line (had to take a picture of his Drivers License # while he was in bed one night) and then even rented fishing tackle and poles online for him.  Here is where I sent him : http://www.danawharf.com .  

So I hope he had fun!  They have all sorts of fun and cool things to do at the Dana Point Harbor.  

He was suppose to take Nataschas camera and batteries to take photos for those of us who didn't get to go that day. I wanted to see what it was like out on the Pacific Ocean. I think he said he took the camera but forgot the battery.  Anyways, no pictures for the rest of us.  

  Here is the posting I did when we picked him up that day.  He doesn't really look very happy but said he took a dramamine when he got on the boat as he was afraid he would get motion sick.  He was also a little sunburned but they had drinks, food and everything on the boat. 

My lobster off the boat 

 So happy he got to experience this unique Fathers Day gift.  Happy Fathers Day Allen your the best dad in the world! 

love you Allen, 

from your girls 

Reflections of the past and moving on...

Daddy & Abigaile Laguna beach- 2011

Tall Ships Festival Dana Point, Ca 2011

Sea World San Diego, Ca 2012 

Always! 

GPS: Top of The World 2010

random somewhere around Arizona on the way to California. 2010

    Well it really has been a very busy, tiring, but yet thrilling time for our little girl.  We have been thankful for the time that we have spent here in S. California.

Abigaile @ our condo before we left Arkansas. We were packing the Kidwalk walker was her only form of independence. Sept 2010

 We are at a point however that it is time to move on.  We came here 2 and 1/2 years ago after making the decision that our daughter
would be able to receive a better continuity of medical care.  Her primary care Physician resides here and so it has been a lot easier when we have had issues that we need to deal with it just makes it so much easier. We also have access to more providers and providers that can meet our daughters medical needs.

somewhere in New Mexico or Arizona I could not believe the beautiful rainbow near the sun 2010

 There are also more of a diverse area of treatments for us to select for her with advice from her Primary Care Physician who has been a great deal of help to us. It has really been difficult not having any additional help, not that we have had any additional help to begin with but we have totally depended on our immediate family ( myself, Allen (dad), Natascha (big sister) ) to help with everything. It was before we moved her that we as a family decided that we needed to help Abigaile and she would thrive best under the conditions of the entire family helping her.

Abi wearing her seizure helmet- the meds weren't working Sept 2010

 Each person has given unconditional, and has made sacrifices in order to help Abigaile thrive and do what is best for her.

At a hotel along the way somewhere in New Mexico 2010

I imagine that we all feel tired and short-changed at times. I never get to leave this. We do many things for the well-being of Abigaile. It was our choice, it will remain our choice.  There has been no one else who has contributed to care or decision making or anything with Abigiale for her daily needs ever.
  With that being said we are at the end of our lease soon- very soon.  We will not be able to stay in our home any longer here as the home owner will not allow us any additional time on the lease due to the need to sell his income property.

Awesome splendor of the Grand Canyon 2010

The market here appears as a sellers market and so without further we give him our blessing. I have looked for well over two months trying to find another rental and have not been successful in renting another property.

My three peas (notice I'm hardly ever in pictures, there would be no one to take a picture) @our vacation rental in S. Laguna Beach. 2010 When we got here. 

We have a letter stating that our funds can be paid from a bank who has been gracious in helping with our requests and with current homeowner/landlord giving us a great letter of recommendation. It appears that one way or the other we will be moving. We have been turned down numerous times for other rentals and there are just not the houses coming on the rental market. I believe there are some really ugly things happening and favorites are being played but I don't have time for games nor do I play them.  My family needs a home.

packing and moving from Arkansas Sept- Oct 2010  

  We are putting all therapy and treatments on hold until this happens. Then we will take a week off from moving.

She learned how to cruise and find the water - this is 2nd rental home in Laguna Niguel. 2011

The 24 ft straight truck I was telling you about. its everything we own. Allen fell off this truck the day we left. 

 It stands currently that we aren't sure if we will even be able to stay in the state or not. This means my husbands job he spent 2 years finally securing a full time job we may have to leave simply because we can't find a home and even if we do the cost of living here is so crazy we have no discretionary income. We can't pay our bills and I will have to drop school.  We have many things to consider with this coming up but this too shall pass and we will move on.

Family picture at the Grand Canyon- we dressed like twinkles. It was so cold. Sept 2010

  I wanted to share some of our moments while here and one day I will document the trip on the way here. By the way, we gave away most of our belongings packed up a 24 ft straight truck and we came 1600 miles to help our child. We will trust that God will lead us where

my sweet girl before we left Rogers Arkansas Sept 2010

He wants for us to go next and we will come back to do therapy and treatments we just won't be able to live here.  We are saddened by this but know that is the best decision for our family. I hope you enjoy some of the photos ...

Mr Alex and TMS @ The Brain Treatment Center so thankful for these guys & their knowledge to help stop Abi.s seizures.

I am working on getting the pictures for some reason when I transferred them to the blog from my photo album they didn't transfer where I wanted them to go...

we don't get out much but this was at Newport Mall 2011

Some of the photos are very random but some of the treatments or special times that we have here. We were able with a limited income to still be able to do a lot of free things as we really enjoy nature and there are so many beautiful sights here. One day I'll do a journal of our travel for care...

Abi doing Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatments. We love Dr. Jolly and his team !

we have business cards with this photo it is priceless to me it tells about Abigailes miracle and her vaccine injury

on our way to Lake Elsinore to the outlet mall. 2011

My two beauties. Abigaile & Natascha in hyperbaric chamber. One of us goes in with Abigaile at all times. 

A reminder: Wherever you go God is ALWAYS there! That is where home is at. 

A school field trip at the Long Beach aquarium. Looks like we need some sun. 2012 

is anybody out there @The Center for Integrative Medicine ( we love you guys and girls !!)

we have seen some of the most beautiful beaches, experience warm weather for winter, we have missed terribly the thunderstorms though.

The TallShips Festival at Dana Point, Ca 2011 just gorgeous! 

we LOVE Polfit, a new level of Physical Therapy... love these guys so awesome to work with!
this was Abigaile when she started Polfit could not stand alone. Had to have assistance and walk with her walker ( A Kidwalk)

Dana Point, Ca Harbor. We pack picnics and take our meal we go to the beach to watch the sunset or to the Harbor to watch the sunset and boats . 

My sweet girl at SeaWorld watching one of the shows 2012

Abigaile venturing out on her own to walk in shallow water- she does this so easily now 2012

My beautiful Princesses of the God Most High! This is what Encephalitis looks like.  It can be deadly.

This is Abi after some therapy and walking with crutches at Polfit Thank you Enya and the team at Polfit for making her work. You guys are awesome! She thinks that you are playing LOL

Here is a child @ Polfit and full of life. We still have hard days, with untreatable seizures (God can heal them) and days that we can't determine which thing she is allergic too!


God has not judged us but He is merciful. We are waiting on Him and what He wants for our lives. I forgot to post Dr. Jerry and Abigaile in here but Dr. Jerry was in a previous post and has his own web link. Please forgive me Dr. Jerry ..
It is time to move on, no matter where it is- its like the photo above that says no matter where we go God will be there before us. I am so thankful to know that and you know what? He always has been there! 

our best Physical Therapy at home EVER !

I remember this picture at Aliso Creek Beach and asking God to calm the storms in our life to let me know my baby was healed. He gave me great peace and comfort looking out over the sea.

most incredible sunsets ever..

Thank God for Rainbow Ranch Farms - with out Xenia and Dennis and thank you Mary also and all the other great farm families we wouldn't have had food for our daughter. We are so thankful that we have become part of your family.

The most beautiful sunsets ever....

Allen, how did you blur us?

our Vineyard church family Vacation Bible School

our trip in 2011 to see a nutritionist in San Francisco

Abigaile at Sea World

Thank you Dr. Jerry for your hospitality , your knowledge, wisdom and thank you for helping us to rehab our daughter. We appreciate your insight and just sometimes being honest and saying " I don't know".  Thank you for believing in Abigaile and treating Abigaile and our vaccine injured family when no one else would.  Thank you for sharing information with me and allowing me to voice my fears, and when I didn't feel that something was going to work.  Thank you for making us work out of our comfort zone. 

we have come a long way baby...

  This is really true looking at the past two years of our lives.  After such a horrible event,  the cover up of the truth.  The Dr.s and Specialists in denial, or are they?  Are they not being told the truth are they being lied to?  There are agencies in our US government system that approve all the food, drugs, medical equipment that show a reasonable consideration for the safety system , right? 

  I use to think so, not so much anymore. I am also still in that system to a point and continue education in the system of Health Sciences and out of the system. I have to say besides a few people who are out there just to defiant to the system well I believe there are a lot more people searching and not just being fed what they are being fed. 

  I learned this scenario 9 years ago when my daughter was vaccine injured. It is amazing to me how many people that haven't had this happen to them, haven't researched vaccines, haven't really looked at any of the statistics just believe what information they are given.  Please do not try and educate me on something that is just hear say. I have to laugh when people can't give statistics, or can't give anything except well thats just what is reported.

  I have a medical background. I also have common sense. I also know that not everyone lives by the "one shoe size fits all " philosophy.  First, our case is documented and we asked that it be published. My daughter does not have autism, that in no way means that vaccine injury does not cause autism and it doesn't mean every child will have a vaccine injury.  I didn't just wake up one day anti- vax. I took my children to well-visits (every one of them) I also vaccinated my children until the youngest child had a vaccine injury so severe it almost took her life. I didn't just jump on the anti- vax band wagon in fact I never knew such informed and researched people existed. I wish I had known I would have surely been talking with them early on.

  Seriously what in hell happened to me? Was I so blind working in the system before children that I had become brain-washed and didn't have an open mind? I never knew or felt there was a private agenda behind the pharmaceutical drug industry and it is called INDUSTRY for a reason.  Have you ever noticed that you have to make multiple trips to the Dr. , then get tests, them go to the Dr. for followup , then more tests, then more trips and sometimes multiple Dr.s , specialists and even go out of state?  I love the Dr.s I grew up with their philosophy was food? They would ask my mom, "what is she eating? Is she eating healthy? We lived on a farm.  I remember my parents saying the chickens have gone to hell when they raised chickens for a (name brand chicken producer) they had to go around physically taking little bottles of antibiotics and putting it in each individual water holder.  I next remember they kept taking our dead chickens they had three large chicken houses in addition to my family also raised cattle.  We thought this was a way of life and it was. I also remember when after putting the antibiotics, I remember chickens dying then came they had to go around and put vitamins in the waterers of the chickens. Then they were required to buy medicated feed. Does this sounds right to you? I am not asking for anyones opinion on my daughter I ran with the conventional medical malpractice its called ClubMed a very lucrative business and I have been disgusted by it.  The Dr.s who practice medicine are being pushed to the wayside because they still think and still practice medicine. They are retiring early and earlier. It is shameful there is a time that no one will seem to get well because of all the synthetic money making drugs. I am not completely denying drugs by any means but what I am saying is there is a purpose. There is no conspiracy when your child gets hurt and your family hurts.  Our family has come a long way and our daughter has come a long way. I give this credit to God. It was not the Dr.s, the specialists, not even me or my family , absolutely nothing but God! God has been the one to give us provision, God has been the one who has given us wisdom, the Dr.s wisdom. We are thankful to God for that. We are thankful for Abigailes primary care he is the best, and we are thankful to her team of therapist and the treatments we have been able to do for her. It has been a blessing. The vaccine safety and efficacy is NOT a debate for me but fact and I have my facts other than saying repeated sayings from long ago. 

It is what it is and until those who make the vaccines, acknowledge that there is a problem and until those receiving the vaccines make a big deal or start researching it the truth will never be known. The fact is this: They are still a medication and so anyone can and does have an adverse reaction. If you are in denial of that then you are in denial of truth. If there are no problems with vaccines where are the independent studies? Where is the open research by someone other than the drug companies themselves (hello they makes profits, big profits off of these drugs ) drug dealers do the same and don't pay taxes on it. Why would they starve themselves. Where is the real evidence and where is the research to show that there is no harm and never will be any harm?  There isn't any.

If you say Go, we will go. If you say wait, we will wait

  Wanted to do a quick blog for now to say that while we are trying to get things organized and figure out exactly which end is up topside we will do more of an update and resume therapies and treatments.

If You Say Go - Vineyard Music 

God certainly amazes me, always! It is in our darkest hour, our trial our temptation that God just flourishes!  We feel so low like we are crawling but know that God is carrying us.  My little Abigaile is doing great.  We have been working on getting school organized and caught up after all the treatment months. We are just tired.  It will get better I do know this! It always does.

  Our challenge right now is that our current homeowner wants to sell his home, we feel that he wishes we would move on (as repairs are getting neglected and not paid attention to). That is okay if God wants us here He will work it out. If not, we shall move on.  I am not shaken. Psalm 62:2 says He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. AMEN.

ACTION STATEMENT: Acts 2:25 David said about him: "'I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  

I believe that no matter what comes at us, God is in control.  It is handled.  No Fear!  We are to command the devil beneath our feet and do it with assurance and tell the devil to flee.  

James 4:7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  

Disaster preparedness : Ephesians 6:13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

We are putting our God before us and telling the devil to flee. We are preparing by putting on our armour of God daily and standing our ground!  

Evil will always come, whether it has a spiritual leg to stand on - is up to you!

always a servant
always praying

The absolute hand of God has touched my child I am so humbled by His forever presence.

My inspiration 

Paris 

Just another Day in Paradise ...

Lord, its me again.... 
  I'm really trying to keep it together but when I see things like this it really hurts and it 

really humbles my heart.  I am so thankful we have had God when there has been no one 

else! I am so glad He is there even though we may not see Him, or know that He is there 

because the very pit of our gut is just wrenching because, well we are still human. 


  Today was one of those days. We are thankful for what we have, thankful for Gods grace and His never- ending LOVE. We are thankful for one another we are thankful for all that we have and thankful that it belongs to God. I am just "THANKFUL",

   There are days like today that the emotions just really get to me. I am tired.  It is difficult having this road for over 9 years now that there has been no break and no vacation and no time away for me.  Really, no time away. Before you jump to conclusions that I want time away from my family I don't - I want a real vacation with my family.  I am tired of work 24/7 and no time for rest or fun.  It makes me angry and it makes me bitter.  

  Today was a bitter and hurtful day to me. I have made no secret of saying that I felt we have not had family and friends support during all of this with Abigaile.  I will say that there are a couple of friends who have been supportive of us even if it is to pray for us. There are many including family who have not.  

  It is difficult enough to try and care full time for a child to make decisions for her and our family and to be her private caregiver, her private chef ( I don't mean throwing a box full of dinner in the microwave) her nutrition and dietary requirements go beyond what most people can even comprehend and I'm not talking GFCF from a box or a special diet. It is a little more complicated than this.  It takes a lot of time, planning and sometimes days of preparation and cooking. I don't get to look at someone else to do my planning or make suggestions for me. I also coordinate her treatments , her care and logistics of her treatments and therapy. I really have no time left. I also have stayed in college obtaining my degree to further help my child so that I can understand how to better meet her needs. I am her full time teacher.  The school system can not guarantee her safety, meaning that they can not meet her needs. This is much more extensive than most people realize.  I am blessed by being paid but it is not enough.  

  The birthdays for the girls have been without friends (we had some friends who were part of our lives in Arkansas - and have met some really wonderful people since moving here) but it is difficult to orchestrate a birthday party or other get together unless the family is going through the same as us. I don't expect everyone to understand this, I realize more the majority does not understand. 

Today I saw a blow up bouncey house a couple of doors down in the front yard. I saw Abigaile slowly migrating toward the sofa. She loves to look out the window and watch all the people go by. Her name for playmates or friends (which she has really never had or known) is Boppee.  We saw children arriving at the party and starting to jump on the bouncey house. She sat there for almost 3 hours, wouldn't move watching and talking (chattering) and laughing. She was saying "hi" to all the children who were walking up the sidewalk to go to the party (these children were all about 6-10 years old) her age. It was just a raw and horrible feeling. She has only had one birthday party and there was no one to play with her that other kids were at. In the past we had the girls birthday parties together so there would at least be kids at Abigailes party otherwise there would be no one but her dad and I and her sister.  I watched her little eyes with anticipation as each child arrived and then she watched eagerly, then she would chatter to Natascha and I .. it was just heart breaking. I am thankful that she had a hope, a hope to play with these kids. 
I know how difficult to have what you call "normal" children (kids with our limitations) but people really miss the mark and teach their children horrible things when they don't explain to their children that our children with limitations even if they are temporary or not can play also.  I refuse to be bitter and shame on those people who have nothing to do with my child especially if you are family.  We are better off without those negative people in our lives. Those people who judge me for staying at home with my children instead of having a job outside the home I am doing what God called me to do and if you don't like it, I don't care.  The girls know who love them and who cares for them and they also know there are not people in their lives and I refuse to make them like people just because they have a family label on them.  I don't teach my children that ugliness. 
  
  This is the life of a vaccine injured family, not just a child - each and every one of our family members have been injured and have sacrificed for helping to make our Abigaile well. 

Please God heal our hearts and make us whole- 

Jer. 30:17 says, 
For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,' declares the LORD, 'Because they have called you an outcast, saying: "It is Zion; no one cares for her."'

Thank you God that you bind up our wounds to heal us and make us whole. 

living with a servants heart