Written : 09/06/2020 - I wanted to post this tonight to let Abigaile know that her mom is thinking about her and her mommy loves her her mommy misses her very much she is my life.
On this day 17 years ago we lived on a street named West End Street in Springdale Arkansas. I was very much pregnant at nine months and have been the healthiest pregnancy I had. We had no idea if this baby would be a girl or a boy and it didn’t really matter because we knew that the baby was a child of God we knew that the baby was loved and wanted and the gender didn’t matter to us because the baby is a gift from God always.
So on this day we were in an old farmhouse that we had bought to remodel and call home. We had completed really almost all the repairs we started out that we were going to remodel which ended up being renovated. Being mommy I wanted to make sure that the house was warm and clean and ready for my new baby.
It was an old farmhouse but it was beautiful had a gorgeous lot big mature trees and nestled in between a subdivision and some older mature homes. It had a fairly long driveway with flowerbeds all around and we had put in a Goldfish pond just in front of the living room window and the porch. There was a huge flower bed of Yellow and Orange irises. Our daughter Natascha‘s pet bunny named Clover would be laid to rest and we would make him a stone with the name Clover on it and bury him.
But on this night everything had to be perfect because according to the schedule they were talking about an emergency C-section to bring this baby home. It was scheduled with intention of thinking that we could finish the house so we loaded up our little camper trailer we had outside sitting in the big driveway. I had just purchased a few gallons well maybe 5 gallons or more of the most beautiful Linen colored paint to finish painting the floors upstairs. The only room left to paint was the playroom and then everything would be complete for our new baby and for our new family and our new home.
I finished painting, yes I had on a ventilator mask. I love to paint a paint anything I painted peoples houses their bathrooms whatever for free just because it’s therapy for me. I love to paint. I love art also and that kind of painting as well but I love painting houses and painting rooms it makes me happy. So I was painting and painting and painting and we had actually planned to sleep in our little camper trailer in the driveway because of the paint fumes and we thought it would be kind of fun to sleep in there for a few days while we let all the paint fumes out of the house and so that it didn’t hurt me or the baby or our daughter Natascha.
So I started painting and I painted one coat and everybody else was already outside in the camper trailer and we had everything in there for the next few nights and then I painted the second layer and got the second layer on I stopped I cleaned all my tools I got ready for bed and I went to bed.
My Abigaile tummy was not as big as I was with our first daughter but I was feeling pretty uncomfortable being nine months pregnant. I started to doze off and I kept looking at the ultrasound picture that I had sitting beside the bed and just staring at the beautiful little being on the picture. I could see her little head her arms her hands her legs even her feet even though we couldn’t tell what gender and it really didn’t matter what gender to us at all. We just wanted a healthy baby because our babies are a gift from God.
I started dozing off and I think I must’ve taken a short nap it couldn’t have been long and I woke up and I was very uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep my back was hurting. I got so excited about having a new baby that I couldn’t sleep. The more that I tried to sleep the worse that it got and the more than my back started bothering me. I woke up the girls dad and I said - you know I’m pretty sure that we need to call our friends and have them to come and pick up Natascha. Natascha can spend the rest of the night with them and you and I are going to the hospital to have our baby.
We had two names picked out, Abigaile for a girl and I honestly have forgotten the name for the boy. We got to the hospital after we met with our friends who picked up Natascha. We told Deanna and Matt that we would call them tomorrow or it would’ve been today this was about 3 AM and we asked them if we could drop Natascha off at their home and we did. Natascha spent the remainder of the night ( well morning ) at their house. When we got to the hospital I found out that my doctor was not on call. He was out of town and so the on-call doctor came in and asked me how I was doing. I said I’m going to have a baby today and he said that your scheduled in a few days. I said no - I’m going to have the baby today.
So Abigaile was breach and bottom first and off to the emergency c-section. Next I felt the scalpel - so it was too late to increase the meds so they delivered Abigaile I said hello and met our new daughter told her I loved her. The next thing I'm hearing is the Anesthesiologist telling me he is going to knock me out. I said okay. This was about 11:00 am that morning. I was being slapped in the face in recovery and had cold water washcloth, under a warming blanket. I found out later that I had actually been close to over-dosed. I learned they gave me narcan in recovery. It was dark when they took me back to my room. I finally got to meet out little girl but not until after they had told us Abigaile had been given vaccines and eye drops. They also told us that she was very sick and spiked a fever. We later learned she was Group B Strep positive - and that they should have never given her the vaccines. We spent several days additional in the hospital due to this.
We went home but not until we were scheduled with Bili light and lab draws daily almost two weeks.
Then the nightmare continued that I was fighting for this little girls life since day one - and until she was finally starting to improve after therapies and treatments in California. The vaccine battle took me over Seven years- getting Abigaile stable and finally weaning her from meds and getting her to show progress with diet, therapy etc was almost ten years.
I'm guessing that having Abigaile well, happy and healthy was not good enough for people who were not in her life. So on May 21,2017 her dad decided to abduct and Interstate her and her sister.
It was alleged that I was abusive and neglectful. I'm guessing if you feel that being a full time stay at home mom who is the primary attachment and caregiver, home learning with and without curriculum based on the Childs progress. I also managed their healthcare, trained in Abigailes therapies so if she ran low with funds from the vaccine entitlement that I researched, filed Vaers for, and have advocated for Abigaile her entire life - I don't consider this abuse or being neglectful. It sounds like fraud and false accusations with no evidence to me. Check Abigailes medical chart and her progress notes - tell me what that looks like. I was also accused of not giving Abigaile her meds - even though I stayed at home and gave her meds.
If you referring how Abigailes life and her health was endangered in May 21,2017 - look at her medical record from that day on. And refer to this https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/how-mother-child-separation-causes-neurobiological-vulnerability-into-adulthood.html#.
In addition to the numerous articles that speak to the trauma of a special needs child being forced from a primary attachment. I was our daughters primary attachment, her primary caregiver. I realize that culture hates this but this is what the girls dad and I chose for our children prior to marriage and in having children. https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/pdfplus/10.1521/pdps.2017.45.4.542.
Our daughter having special needs and having made substantial progress with me with therapy and growth and development. She was then forced into trauma in May 21,2017 and has been estranged from me for no justifiable reason.
Being a stay at home mom and caring our children while educating them at home doesn't constitute abuse or neglect. And to say that I didn't give our daughter medicine is a bold faced lie- I was the full time attachment who was with her through everything. This doesn't constitute or equivocate to abuse or neglect. This has caused tremendous trauma to this little girl and has caused trauma abuse to me and her sister.
Additional research: Childhood attachment trauma, Child / Mother Psychological Trauma abuse, Parental alienation.
Happy Birthday my beautiful Abigaile
Your birthday commemorates the day that God created you and said to you as an individual, are unique and irreplaceable. There is no other person alive, no person who has ever lived, and no person who shall ever live, that can fulfill the specific role in My creation I have entrusted to you..."
This is the day when you were given the mandate for your mission to help change the world. The day when God entrusted you with the mission to challenge a world that is so hostile spirituality and to be able to transform it into God's private garden sanctuary. And in accomplishing this goal you were given the ability to achieve incredible spiritual heights. The kind of heights that are unimaginable to the soul before it was dispatched from its lofty heavenly home to inhabit your physical body.
Celebrating a birthday is also a demonstration of confidence. The type of confidence that you are and you will continue to be worthy of God's trust. No matter the obstacles, no matter the circumstances, you will persevere and live up to God's expectations of you.
Fulfilling the commandments of God is the vehicle through which we connect to God. It is how we are made in His image.
That means greater responsibility, but an infinitely greater connection, too. Your birthday is also the anniversary of this awesome occasion. This is reason to be thankful for your birthday.
When you were born it was God that invested within you a soul abounding with talents and qualities. These talents and qualities of your inner soul are those things God given to you that will help you to complete the mission that God has assigned to you on this earth.
On this day you have the ability to accomplish that which might be very difficult on any other day. I pray that this day you feel a special connection to God. That you are reminded of how God created you for your mission . Be blessed in Your special day the day that you and your mission was born into existence.
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