March 20,2020 my call with Abigaile today

Mommy and Abigaile - Laguna Beach, Ca. - near the ocean with my babies - my happy place- You are my sunshine !

Momma and Natascha - my beautiful girl - this was taken at the zoo - ( I can't remember where - we went to the zoo everywhere we went - when we could go) You are my sunshine !

the adverse reaction - the injury became our reality - I did not want to be the victim - I did not want my children to be victims of it. 

We can never be the light if we are living in the dark- the light always over comes the dark.

     I had my supervised visit with Abigaile on the phone earlier this evening.  I was kept to the 30 minute rule today.  Abigaile was distracted and there was noise from what ever she was distracted with.  

     I read stories to Abigaile because on a phone call there really isn't a lot of anything else that can be done and I know that she loves to have stories read to her.  I have been able to teach her so much in the past by reading stories and doing hands on and interactive studies with activities.  She is no longer interactive in the stories. 

   I was reminded of this with the recent virus alert about children being forced to stay out of institutionalize school and having to stay home or wherever they are living.  I thought of our girls because of our home school days or home education we will call it.  Including the basic life skills and so many other things taught at home never taught in public institutionalize school.  I wanted our girls to be able to learn and experience so much more than a plan with funded federal dollars.  I loved doing school with our girls and would have loved to been able to use Abigailes van as its intended use but I was not given that option.  

  It has been : 

How many Days, Weeks, Months?

How many days ago... 1035 days
How many weeks ago... 148 weeks
How many months ago... 34 months
How many hours ago... 24840 hours
How many minutes ago... 1490400minutes
How many seconds ago... 89424000seconds

     Since you were both abducted and kidnapped from me.  How can anyone make this a reality or accept that it is a reality and just assume to a child that you have made a decision to tell them, project onto them that the other half of them doesn't exist?  Sorry you live with that parent for over 17 3/4 years or 13 3/4 years but lets pretend that no longer exists.  When you speak mommy we will just ignore you so you stop saying it.  And well you being well and rehabbing, sorry we think you should be drugged so you don't get brain injured - ( where does it say anywhere that pharmaceuticals stop brain injury? ).  Every person, every person that chose to ignore my pleas, ignored my request to get involved, ignored my saying that is not the best interest for Abigaile it is causing her harm - their response : just ignore the mom.  Even the Dr. and I am not done with Dr. Con yet.  

  So after 1035 days, I hear my Abigaile today out of no where after not being able to say mommy - she says my mommy - my mommy and bye several times?  How does anyone hear this and not be convicted by it?  I was so emotional ( yes its okay to be emotional) but to hear my child to say my mommy and I couldn't even tell if she had any emotion with it or not.  Then she went back to playing with whatever distraction she had because saying my mommy and bye doesn't warrant a response.  I have never ignored my children. I have always responded to them and met their needs. Always.  And when I haven't been able to I have apologized and have asked them for forgiveness - always.  But even more important - I always responded.  

    I finished the stories I read, and was trying to get her to say bye or I love you trying to get her to engage in conversation and she couldn't. Then the phone hung up.    Do they talk to other people on cell phones ( killing their brains giving them brain tumors with doses or radiation?  Does she tell other people bye when leaving or getting off the phone with them as a courtesy to let them know the call is over- or just hang up?

   Then I go to check my email and I get more news.  When we moved across country from California ( doing therapy since 2010) to Arizona ( temporary) - Arkansas with our intent of becoming citizens living in Texas. We moved everything from California to Arkansas and then to Texas.  I still get the emails from the storage unit because I was the one who paid our bills every  month ( we both contributed ) but I stayed at home with our girls I have always paid bills it was logical to do this.  

  We still have a storage unit with everything we worked for, all of our daughters equipment, school and therapy and boxes of books and machines.  A special needs bike for her.  All of our life packed into this storage.  I get a email that says that there was a letter sent to the girls dad at his new address that I wasn't made aware of until I did a internet search last year 2019.  It was prior to this that I was okay to care for our daughter, care for our home and pay the bills, cook, clean and education, plus be a full time caregiver for our daughter.

   But since May 21, 2017 I became baggage that was thrown out and thrown away even in our daughters lives.  They have been told I have abandoned them and on court documents the truth is not shared but instead it says that I have abandoned them. I have never abandoned the girls and this lie needs to be proven, it is false, it is a lie.  For people to tell my children I abandoned them - my children need to hear the truth and they need to hear how people do things to use the law and other government agencies to make it look like they are protecting them.  Instead they are causing harm and trauma.  

  So now I have a notice that there was a letter, it has a copy of the lien attached to it for a courtesy lien to sell all of our belongings because of $98 that somehow wasn't paid.  I requested our daughters Trust to pay for the storage because of my lack of financial situation after being discarded and they have been paying it.  On the email there was an attachment sent to the girls dad about this - this evening after business hours is when I get the email from the storage facility.  Why would anyone do this to another human being? 

  This storage unit has everything that we have worked for, everything that is a keepsake for a daughters,  there are keepsakes that belong to me and to their dad in that storage unit.  There are years of equipment that our daughter was using to rehabilitate, education and manipulative that were helping our daughter to thrive.  

  If I had not gotten the email today with this copy of the Lien to sell on it - all of this lifetime of our lives and memories just disappeared while someone pilfered and pillaged it like a cheap flea market. It would be sold without my knowing it ? 

  I have no home - I have been made homeless.  I have no transportation- the amount of time I got to use the van for our daughter which should have been to use at her needs - I have no transportation.  I have no money, bank accounts closed with out my knowledge - just closed.  

  But to take what is left and to just allow it to be pillaged and sold - and for me to find out in an email for the storage facility.  Just how and why, can another human do this to a human being they committed to God that they would protect and honor and be with the rest of their lives ?  To teach your children that your mom or your dad is disposable and you just tell people they abandoned you for whatever reason and then what?  No wonder generational curses are never fixed- no wonder people accept that addictive behaviors are okay.  Our children were not raised this way - God have mercy on telling our children these things.  

  Our culture is vile like a pack of wild pigs - to project onto children that it is okay to just throw their mom or their dad awhile is beyond even comprehendible to me.