How to let it all go

Footprints

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

It is not my will Father but Your will,

Love,

Your daughter 

Happy Birthday my beautiful princess

I wanted to wish my little girl a Happy Birthday.  I know princess that no matter where you are that your mommy loves you and Jesus loves you.

I remember that day September 7, 2003 just as if it were yesterday.

I had just finished painting the floors at the house on West End st and went to bed around midnight.  I went to sleep with your ultrasound and a magazine on my chest.

The outline of your ultrasound is still etched forever in my mind.  I can still see your eyes. They say that your eyes are a window to your soul and all I saw was clear all the way down in your little soul and you weren't even born yet.

I was so excited to be able to meet my princess that I couldn't sleep. I actually think I caused my self from excitement to go into labor.  I woke at about 3 am and just couldn't go back to sleep.  I wanted to see my new little princess so bad.

I eventually woke your dad up and told him I needed to go to the hospital and then we woke your sissy up and told her that we needed to go to the hospital.  We took Natascha to a friends house so she could play and spend the night while you made your way into this world.

You are born around 11 am and from that hour on your little life has been hectic.  I am so thankful that God gave you to me. You have made my life so complete.  I have admired how people have been so mean, haven't been in your life and you still love and show love no matter what.
You have given your mommy Joy in such a unique way that I can't even explain it.

I couldn't wait to see you. I know how excited I was to see Natascha as a baby and you were no less exciting.  You both made a grand entrance.  An emergency c-section is not something to laugh at.  I thought you were the most beautiful baby ever.

Your dad , Natascha and I had so much fun playing pretty , pretty princes waiting for you to come from the nursery.  It was so fun. Even going through the hell at that time we were not shaken.  Your dad sitting with his tiara and ear rings, and adorned like a princess. I wished we would have had enough money to have phones with cameras then so we could have take pictures.

I was so afraid when they told me that you weren't well. The major antibiotics, the tests and knowing you were going home with a bill-light I knew the liver was being over taxed. I just wanted you to be healthy.

Children and our family were more important then that phones.  Ill never forget we went to Sam's club to take a family picture. It was the last one we had taken right after you were born.  Last family photo was Fourteen years ago.  I kept choking and trying to hold back the tears scared to think that it might be your last photo.


I love you my beautiful princess and even though I don't know where you are right now your mommy misses so much it hurts and I love you. Your mommy wasn't given an option to be with you on your special day.  I will always love you my little princess. I hope God blesses your day today.

I would die for you,
love your mommy